I told my husband I’m never having another kid

“I took this photo when my baby was 4 weeks old. I told my husband I’m never having another kid.

“I was miserable. I hated my life. I was struggling so hard and was exhausted beyond measure.

“I told my husband I’m never having another kid. Having one consumed my life. I lost all that I am and the only thing left of my being is being a mom.

“I read countless books and tried everything out there but my baby will cry for hours and will not sleep. My body aches all over because all she wants to do is to be held.

“I felt like a failure. Nothing could have prepared me for motherhood. Nobody told me it was gonna be this hard. On top of that they tell you the newborn stage is the best.

“Well, I absolutely hated it. I was so unhappy.

“I was in pure survival mode. I don’t know what day it is because it gets all mixed up, I hold my pee when she’s sleeping on me afraid of waking her up. I eat junk because it’s the fastest.

“I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. I get so anxious when my husband has to go to work and I’m left alone at home with the baby. The days are long and dreadful.. and I have never felt so alone.

“Then one day, I was done.

“I stopped following schedules, I stopped recording when she last ate or pooped or how long her nap was. I stopped reading articles on babies. I stopped trying to “fix” her.

“I looked at her and saw how much she adores me. I am her favorite person in the world. It’s my voice she hears for the past 9 months that gives her comfort. I realized that she just loves me so much and will crawl back in my womb if she can and that’s why she wants me to hold her all the time. She’s always hungry because she’s still so little and is not developmentally capable to go for hours without food. She cries because it’s the only way she knows how to talk to me. She is absolutely helpless and needs me to survive in this world.

“I gave myself grace and just listened to my baby. I followed her lead. I feed her when she’s hungry. I let her sleep on me as long as she can.

“I stopped trying to be the “mom” I thought I was supposed to be. I’ve learned to let go. I stopped judging and criticizing myself.

“Everybody says it gets better, so I let time do it’s thing. I took a lot of deep breaths and cried a lot with my baby.

“Now, I feel a lot better.

I finally enjoy being a mom.

“My little girl is now 3 months. She looks into my eyes and we “talk” a lot. The sounds she makes, the endless smiles she gives me thanking me and telling me how much she loves me makes it all worth it. She sleeps 10 hours at night. She still takes naps on my arms during the day time but I enjoy it. I’m enjoying all the snuggles I can get.


“Mama, if you’re on the newborn stage just know that it’s okay to feel defeated. It will pass. This stage is survival mode. Look at your baby and listen to her. Let go of all your expectations. Stop researching ways to make her better. She is absolutely perfect and you are absolutely amazing! Survive together. Your baby loves you so much and that’s all that he / she needs.

“The 4th trimester is incredibly hard. You will doubt yourself. You will feel like you’re not good enough. You will be frustrated. You will feel lost. Just remember. You are not alone and You WILL get through this. It will not last forever.

“You are an incredible mother. And it is okay to dislike this stage. It doesn’t determine how you are as a mother. But if I must say, I already know. You’re a damn good one! 

“P.S. I absolutely LOVE my child with ALL my being. She is my whole life and has already been the greatest teacher I’ve had in life. I struggled so much in becoming the mom that society expects us to be. It is hard for me to be vulnerable and share my truth but after going through it, I realized that there is not enough literature about this. I promised myself that I will try to shine a light on this so that other moms who may be going through the same thing will realize that they are not alone.

“Thank you for all the love and support! Sage and I now have a very special bond and I am finally enjoying motherhood”.. 

Credit to Facebook owner : Michelle Lee Flowers

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